My best friends wag their tails, not their tongues.
Time at a Dog Show
There is a very fine line between hobby and Insanity!
STANDARD OF THE BREEDER/OWNER/HANDLER
The ideal is an energetic, far-sighted creature with the courage and
perseverance of a hound and natural antipathy for losing. He should appear neither clumsy nor awkward, as a certain amount of speed and agility is essential while doing his thing. He is usually found in packs at dog shows.
The width between the ears varies with wins and losses. Surmounted by a topknot of long or short hair, either flat, wavy or rather curly, on
occasion may be thinning at the top or completely bald, but the latter is
rare on the female. The male is sometimes bearded - again this is rare on the female but not unheard of.
A pinkish tinge during the summer months. This should not be penalized on an otherwise first-class specimen.
In proportion to the head. Ability to listen while in the company of elder
and wiser breeders is to be greatly desired.
Large enough to put a foot in. A slight bulge in the jaw denotes liver bait.
Short -coupled variety, usually plump and well padded in hindquarters,
flabbiness to be penalized. Long -coupled variety, lean and sinewy. Extra size being no disadvantage in either variety provided it does not interfere with freedom of action.
Never drooping. Broad enough for slapping or crying on.
Muscular and strong - however, occasional stiffness due to leaning over
large dogs or crouching behind small dogs is permissible.
Room for plenty of heart.
Flexible and well- muscled, caused by lifting crates, putting up tents,
carrying dogs and much grooming.
A working specimen will have short chewed nails - signs of length or loss shall be penalized accordingly.
LEGS AND FEET
Very muscular and flexible. Endurance is not of great importance. Knees well bent and pitted by small stones from kneeling outdoors.
Immaterial. Green color denoting envy or red color denoting rage is a
Aloof and dignified, even elegant while working. A cheerful, spirited and tractable disposition desired when in the company of the pack. Shyness among strangers is not considered a fault, however, rumor mongering and viciousness in any degree is a disqualification.
Over grooming, tardiness in arriving for class, bad sportsmanship and
What Adverts Actually mean
Noted Judge ...........................He put
up our dog
Shakespeare for Dogs
"To Be or not to be, that is
few things I've learned......
by Suzi Szeremy
I've learned that if you wear gold lame shoes while showing your dog, no one will remember the dog but they'll never forget your feet.
I've learned that everyone else looks like their dog, not me.
I've learned that the most attractive outfits, the ones that make you look 15 lbs. lighter and three inches taller, don't come with pockets.
I've learned that the words, "Congratulations, you have the better dog," doesn't sound anything like those words when you clench your teeth and swallow your tongue as you say them.
I've learned that if the words, "Congratulations, you have the better dog," are said to you, they're never said loud enough.
I've learned that your dog's performance in the ring is directly related to whether or not you have friends coming to watch you.
Just how badly you and your dog do has everything to do with how many witnesses are present to watch you.
I've learned that there IS no graceful way to recover from a fall in the ring when your dress flies over your head and catches on your front teeth.
I've learned that when you have a dog that's on a winning tear, you suddenly have friends who are people you don't know.
I've learned that when you make a major mistake in the ring, clutching at your chest and yelling, "It's the big one" doesn't fool anyone, least of all your dog who only looks embarrassed.
I've learned that W.C.Fields had it right when he said to avoid working next to children because they steal the show.
I've learned never to tell a judge they have food in their teeth, particularly when they're examining your dog's bite.
I've learned that some judges have no sense of humor.
I've learned that large dogs make fools of people unused to showing a dog of that size while toy dogs are quickly dispatched by people accustomed to showing a far bigger dog.
I've learned that next to needlepoint stores, dog show vendors are the most trusting when it comes to taking personal checks.
I've learned that picking up your own dog's waste with a skimpy paper towel isn't as revolting as picking up someone else's dog waste with a front end loader.
My dogs have learned that someone else's bait is always tastier than what I give them.
I've learned that the very best parking spaces have orange cones saving them for someone else.
I've learned that orange cones crush pretty easily.
I've found that the very best people - and the very worst - can be found in our sport.
DOG PEOPLE Dog people are a special breed not usually recognized by the Canine governing bodies. They usually have crates in their living rooms. They keep messy houses, but their kennels are spotless. They can always find a show catalog within an arms reach. And they have kids who know more about the birds and the bees when they are five than most people know at 40. Dog people will drive 400 miles; spend $100 on gas, $200 on a motel Room and $150 on meals to bring home a 25-cent ribbon. Dog people drive trucks, vans, and motor homes equipped to haul crates. And they can never be reached on weekends, unless you happen to be at the same show. They have trouble getting to work on time but can be at ringside by 8:00a.m. Dog people will give up a $150,000 home in the suburbs to move to a shack on 10 acres so they can have a $150,000 dog kennel. Dog people have children who grow up believing "Bitch" is just another household word. Dog people pay the mortgage 10 days late BUT never miss a closing date for entries. Dog people use dog food bags for trash and trashcans for dog food. Dog people talk on the phone for hours to another dog person in a language known only to dog people. Dog people have parents & family who think they've lost their minds, neighbors who think they're strange and doggy friends who think they're terrific!!
say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each
other so there are still two dogs in the way.
stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping
me doesn't help, because I will fall faster than you can run.
not buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will
continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of
dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary
to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent
possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having
tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but
I am playing the pinball machine, jumping up and trying to grab the ball
through the glass is not helpful. Barking at me because I'm not helping
you achieve your goal does not win you any extra brownie points.
compact discs are not miniature frisbees.
the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
Necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years,
canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is 1) kiss me, then 2) go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you guys to make.
DEDICATED - A word frequently used to describe pious people, politicians, eager beavers, and very frequently used in the dog world to describe what might appear to be mass insanity.
DOG DEDICATION is:
Being able to unclench your teeth when you are fifth in a class of five.
Rushing into the ladies room for five minutes before ringtime to change you crummy slacks for your dashing new outfit, only to find no doors and a half grown boy waiting for his mommy. How come daddies never take daughters into the men's room?
Meeting your friends at 5:00 am while strolling around the parking lot wearing a dirty raincoat over your nightie.
Buying a $35 picture where you look like something left over from Halloween, but the dog looks great.
Getting down on you knees one more time and feeling your last pair of pantyhose shredding.
Crawling into the station wagon and cleaning up the results of nervous diarrhoea in the middle of summer
Resisting the impulse to abandon on the expressway the idiot who upchucks in his crate after you spent half the night grooming.
Crying your head off after selling a puppy, and two weeks later the ungrateful wretch doesn't even remember you.
Spending three weeks preparing a super whelping box, then watching her whelp behind the couch.
Packing three suitcases for dog, and a shoebox for yourself.
Not screaming when the P.A. system goes berserk and you wind up scraping your dog off the ceiling.
Not strangling the clod behind you who steps on your heels and suddenly you are wearing only one shoe.
Riding 300 miles home after losing a major to a friend and still being friends.
Sleeping scrunched into a 2 x 2 foot ball, while tomorrow's star sprawls in total comfort in your bed.
Rolling out of a warm bed and crawling into a cold wagon on Sunday morning.
Warm puppies, wagging tails, and good friends who share what to others seems mass insanity.
Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To
get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out,
bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves
and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a
fresh cup of coffee or tea.
This is a malady which affects dogs when their person want them in and
they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person,
then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the
guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this
properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool
fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test
your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid
off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine
wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.
Every good dog's response to the command "sit!", especially if
your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before
A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person
where you want him/her to go.
Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction.
The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're
lucky, a human will love you in return.
A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as
close as you can to the other dogs rear end and inhale deeply, repeat
several times, or until your person makes you stop.
Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run
up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain
amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of
the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes
wildly, and following at their heels.
This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers.
When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over
the house until your person comes home.