This collection of some of our favourite Poems, Stories and Sayings have been gathered from various sources. Where the author is known, credit has been duly given, so apologies to anyone whose work has not been correctly acknowledged.

To save download times they are in three categories of Funnies, Weepies & Misc, which is this first page. To get to Funnies or Weepies simply click on the button below.

CREATION VERSE

When God made the Earth and Sky,
The flowers and the trees,
He then made all the animals
And all the birds and bees,
And when his work was finished
not one was quite the same.
He said, "I'll walk this earth of mine
And give each one a name"
And so he travelled land and sea
and every where he went
A little creature followed him
Until it's strength was spent.
When all were named upon the earth
And in the sky and sea,
The little creature said "Dear Lord,
There's not one left for me."
The Father smiled and softly said,
"I've left you to the end,
I've turned my own name back to front
And called you Dog, my friend."

Author Unknown.

 

 

A Dachshunds Prayer

Dear Lord..........

Please watch over our humans, they are so weak. They have no claws or teeth, they can't run fast or fly away, neither can they burrow or build a nest in which to be safe.
They smell bad, do strange things that aren't altogether intelligent, have no real ability to communicate with us, although we are able to figure out what they want.

Lord, grant US the ability to watch over our humans, care for them, cheer them when they are down, make them laugh, smile, and shower them with our love. We pray that we can bring a little joy into their otherwise mundane existence...

Lord...please let them know that when we insist on getting attention, its so we can check their emotional well being and boost their morale When we pester them for different foods, toys, etc .its so they will learn to see us in ways they hadn't considered, bringing them closer and back into the fold...which they are part of but keep forgetting about. They expect us to know what they want even though sometimes they don't know what we want.

Some of them really try and we know they love us but some of them are so dumb yet our love for them remains intensely unfaltering.

Lord, when we die, please make sure to send us ahead to where ever our humans are going to be, so we can pave the way for them,vouch for them and be there for them when they too die.....

Please allow us to continue proving the humans are worth the effort. You placed these humans in dominion over us, but you charged us with the task of caring for them And SHOWING them your love every one of them.

God bless these mere mortal humans, they know not that we are their guardian angels sent in love to task them so that they may grow to be part of your plan.

You and Us God... we'll bring them back into the fold...you and us.

Anon  

 

PACT OF FIRE

When the world was created, First Man and First Woman struggled to stay alive and warm through the first winter. First Dog struggled also.

 Deep in the winter, First Dog gave birth to her pups. Each night, she huddled in the brush of the forest, longingly watching the fire which kept First Man and First Woman warm.

 First Winter was severe, so cold that First Dog dared not leave her pups to search for food to fill her own belly, fearing that her pups would freeze to death in her absence. She curled around them, but the wind was bitter. Her belly shrank with hunger, and soon she had no milk. The smallest pup perished, and First Dog felt her own life draining away as she struggled to care for the remaining pups. Fearing for the fate of the others, she knew she had no choice but to approach the fire and ask First Woman and First Man to share their food and the fire's warmth.

 Slowly, she crept to the fire and spoke to First Woman who was heavy with child. "I am a mother", said First Dog, "and soon you will be a mother too. I want my little ones to survive, just as you will want your little one to survive. So I will ask you to make a pact."

First Woman and First Man listened. "I am about to die. Take my pups. You will raise them and call them Dog. They will be your guardians. They will alert you to danger, keep you warm, guard your camp, and even lay down their life to protect your life and the lives of your children. They will be companions to you and all your generations, never leaving your side, as long as Mankind shall survive. In return, you will share your food and the warmth of your fire. You will treat my children with love and kindness, and tend to them if they become ill, just as if they were born from your own belly. And if they are in pain, you will take a sharp knife to their throat and end their misery. In exchange for this, you will have the loyalty of my children and their offspring until the end of time."

 First Man and First Woman agreed. First Dog went to her nest in the brush, and with the last of her strength, one by one, she brought her pups to the fire. As she did so, First Woman gave birth to First Child, wrapped her in Rabbit skins, and nestled First Child among the pups by the fireside. First Dog lay down by the fire, licked her pups, then walked away to die under the stars.

 Before she disappeared into the darkness, she turned and spoke once more to First Man, "My children will honor the pact for all generations. But if Man breaks this pact, if you or your children's children deny even one Dog food, warmth, a kind word or a merciful end, your generations will be plagued with war, hunger, and disease, and so shall this remain until the pact is honored again by all Mankind." With this, First Dog entered the night and returned in spirit to the Creator.

 Lakota Sioux Legend

I speak without reservation from what I know and who I am. I do so with the understanding that all people should have the right to offer their voice to the chorus whether the result is harmony or dissonance, the world song is a colorless dirge without the differences that distinguish us, and it is that difference which should be celebrated not condemned.

- Ani Difranco

10 reasons you should have a dachshund

 1. He is an ideal companion as a pet. He will follow you, love you, and amuse you all day every day (You are graciously allowed to share your bed & board with him. You will trip on him, and watch him laugh at your clumsiness.)

2. He is a born sportsman. He will turn his nose to anything above ground, while below ground, he will, given his chance, hold his own with the best. Dachshunds were originally bred to dig badgers out of holes. (He will chase all pet cats, birds, & dogs from his exclusive territory (which is as far as the eye can see). He will also roto-till your fresh-laid lawn and new flower beds.)

3. He is a born gentleman. His aloof dignity is above canine skylark and petty yelping. (What they don't want to see and don't want to hear does not exist.)
 

4. He is courageous to a remarkable degree and will stand up for his rights against any foe. (From behind a fence there is none braver.)

5. He is odorless, always clean and easily housebroken. (You'd be odorless too from the daily baths needed made necessary because of finding "neat" things to roll in. House - broken is more like it. **Know a good handyman?** )

6. He comes in several sizes, colors and coats to suit your special taste. The tiny miniatures also come in all three coats and colors; smooth, longhaired and wirehaired, and from a beautiful shiny black and tan to a rich Irish Setter red. There is no other breed which offers such a selection. (They are like peanuts, you can't stop with just one, and there is always a new variety or color or size to drool over.)

7. He has a well founded reputation for being rugged and strong.Equally at home in either cold or warm climates. (If it is cold, they are in your bed or in their sweater. If hot, they grab the seat in front of the air conditioner and drink out of your ice tea glass.)

8. He asks only that he be with you whether you live in a mansion or the most humble abode. He is at your side day and night and he will warn you if any strangers are lurking about. (He is willing to share all you have, if you eat dog food, he'll eat dog food. If you have steak, he gets steak ! You couldn't get rid of him if you wanted, and anybody stranger than you SHOULD get barked at.)

9. He is most affectionate, and delights in riding in your car or sleeping close to you (if you will let him) at night, but he is content with his own bed and a simple cover that he can pull over his head, with just a shiny black nose to show his presence. Just to be near you and show his love for you is all he asks. (He is not stupid enough to let a good sucker out of his sight. People are such pushovers for the old "I love you, I love you" routine.)

10. He is a wonderful companion for your children, and will take a lot of rough play and enter into the spirit of fun, for he is a born comedian. You can trust a Dachshund for they have never been known to betray a confidence.
 

(They love kids, the younger the better, children can be blamed for so much that the "sweet li'l puppy wuppy" couldn't possibly have done (they don't realize how tall a fully stretched Dachshund can reach). A Dachshund will never write a tell-all unauthorized biography, but don't leave your pot roast within reach.)

ONCE YOU HAVE OWNED ONE YOU'LL NEVER BE WITHOUT ONE!!!
ONCE YOU HAVE BEEN OWNED BY ONE, THERE IS NO HOPE FOR YOU!!!!

If a dog was the teacher...


You would learn stuff like.....
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure  ecstasy.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps. Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout... run right back and make friends.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
And finally, Never trust anyone until you sniff their butt.